User talk:Gallathan
Don't Re-Upload Deleted Stories If you do it again, you will be banned for one day. If you think your story shouldn't have been deleted, you can go to Deletion Appeal. --ImGonnaBeThatGuy (talk) 03:43, November 14, 2014 (UTC) RE: Why It doesn't meet our quality standards. First off, the grammar is messy. There's a ton of run-on sentences. Punctuation errors. Everything is incredibly passive. All you do is tell, you never show. Barely anything gets explained and it's nonsense. For example: Jerry selling his child for FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. That's crazy. It makes no sense just on the face of things, but then. . .how does Jerry arrange this? Then, later, somehow people find out about it. How do they find out? Well, you don't know, so you don't bother trying to justify it. Also, he's scolded? There would be a massive scandal. The military is buying children to use as test subjects? That's a big deal. Also, how in the world would it be possible for Devin to not know? No one ever said anything to him? The end makes no sense. Top secret project, Xavier's corpse is apparently so toxic it can't be buried, but the scientists of this secret military project are completely okay with handing over the body. Not only that, but Jerry keeps it for FIVE MONTHS. Why would they allow that? Also, you can't just keep a dead body around for five months. At no point would Jerry wonder why the body wasn't rotting and making his entire house smell? Because that's what dead bodies do, they rot. If they don't rot, something is suspicious. Then there's the part where the scientist says that Xavier has been put to sleep? When did that happen? The doctor notes it doesn't effect his aging? Why would it? Also, how can he really tell, it seems like it hasn't even been a year. The scientist only speaks in exposition, which is not only bad storytelling but is another element that doesn't make sense. Why would he tell Xavier anything? He doesn't need to know. Literally, nothing in the story makes sense. I could go through every paragraph and point at something and go, "Why?" or, "Huh?" The story is also poorly told. Again, all you do is tell. You never describe how a character is feeling, you just say it out right. Everything moves too fast, nothing ever breathes. We don't get much in the way of imagery or emotion or plot to sink our teeth into. There's so much unnecessary material in here. Is Jerry really a character of any consequence? You spend a lot of time on how he feels, but what does it really amount to? The same with Devin. Why do we really need to know anything about Devin? You spend so much time illustrating a point in a very repetitive manner. There's better ways to incorporate the idea that Devin misses his brother into the story. The story is repetitive in general. After awhile, it's hard to care about the tests. I didn't really care about them in the first place, honestly. Xavier isn't a character. He's just someone who gets tested on. I don't care. You've done nothing to draw me into this character. And, again, the way it's written, with you just going so fast through everything and bouncing around so much, you never let people think about what's going on. There's no chance for a feeling of pity or disgust or dread to settle in. It wasn't deleted because it had the same name as a story that was deleted before. That's ridiculous. Why would we care? It was deleted because it has a lot of problems in a lot of areas. I would recommend you try out the Writer's Workshop. --ImGonnaBeThatGuy (talk) 04:21, November 14, 2014 (UTC) :Guy said it pretty succinctly, I would recommend working on those issues (and the ones I mention) and take it (or your next story to the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:29, November 14, 2014 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Experiment page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:37, November 14, 2014 (UTC)